We do want to check our reactions. We want to recognize there is something here for us to understand. There is a place for gratitude for the interaction, even if it doesn’t seem like it at all. We want to be curious about what we hear and make sure we understand the root of the criticism. Time is always on our side. Jessica Dewell hosts this Leaders Discuss panel with Geoffrey X Lane and Donna Danielle.
Starting The Conversation…
- Emotions, reactions, and seeking understanding.
- How do you receive and give criticism?
Host: Jessica Dewell
What You Will Hear:
Language we use around criticism.
Relationships – oriented to functional vs people.
A 3 step process to talk about function – as short or long as needed (The Three W’s).
Respectfully get feedback at the right time in the available amount of time.
Tip to know when someone criticizes us and it is really about them.
Differences in definition of feedback vs criticism.
Use questions to discover and explore to develop people.
Words can trigger emotion. Feelings are separate from function.
Criticism is a charged word. So we avoid it. That’s a problem.
Dig into what unsolicited feedback, and how to engage with it.
Give back to us something that triggered them.
Notice reactions, without immediate reaction.
Boundaries around feedback – protect ourself.
Frame criticism to receive or give it – know the purpose.
Fear of being who we are and people leave our life.
Evaluate definition of friendship (friend vs familiarity with a person).
Family in business … what?! When we don’t want to look deeper.
Notable & Quotable:
Donna Danielle: Relationship is key with criticism – they know who I am.
Geoffrey X Lane: Get to the core of [a problem] – without blame.
Geoffrey X Lane: In business it is not about sensitivity, it’s about results. And, being respectful too.
Jessica Dewell: Sandwiching a problem between two good things can be contradictory. It’s a skill to provide candid feedback.
Donna Danielle: Asking questions about what they notice can open up and create curiosity about areas that needed to change.
Donna Danielle: Building the relationship to communicate openly allowing each person to feel useful.
Geoffrey X Lane: I want to trigger thoughtfulness or awareness in someone.
Jessica Dewell: It’s easy to know when we are getting criticized and we don’t like it…its a skill to learn to give criticism respectfully.
Jessica Dewell: It takes courage to speak up.
Donna Danielle: Try to remember it might not be what I’ve done…so hold my reaction and hear the other person.
Geoffrey X Lane: Don’t give automatic permission for people to give us feedback. Set boundaries.
Jessica Dewell: Seek to understand something new with curiosity.
Donna Danielle: Family context takes people into their bottom drawer and not be their best self.
Geoffrey X Lane: We’ve lost track of personal accountability.
Brene Brown on Empathy
Tags: relationship, criticism, connection, language, listen, hear, feedback, immediate, respect, helpful, emotion, reaction, leader, question, development, useful, feeling, frame, courage, boundaries, fear