Excuses surround us. The more we give them, the more normal it becomes. Sometimes excuses are explained away as rationalizations. When the explanations we give ourselves contradict what others experience and feel, our relationships are at risk. Our credibility is at risk. It’s bold to accept responsibility and actively choose what to do in each situation we meet. It is bold to own the outcomes (good or bad) because they are a result of our choice. Jessica Dewell hosts a discussion with Geoffrey X Lane and Tom Rhodes to explore: What is an excuse and how do you identify them?
Starting the conversation…
- What is an excuse? How do you identify them for yourself and your clients?
- What do excuses do to our relationships?
What You Will Hear:
Excuses are just reasons not to do things – we lie to ourselves.
We rise to the level we set – if we make excuses, we will fail.
Our credibility is at stake. What we do, how we respond affects our relationships.
Who do we stretch for – step out of our comfort zone – be willing to reach for more?
Black and white – what we believe matters.
We always have a choice.
The controversy around obligation.
Words matter. What’s really binding…
Our previous choices put us exactly where we are today?
Tips for self awareness vs reflection.
Very little is black and white. Find options in the middle: what works for me and those around me?
What normalization has to do with excuses.
The importance of questions.
Observe and take notice. “Are they telling the truth vs is it the truth?”
Notable & Quotable:
Geoffrey X Lane: An excuse is a lack of clarity.
Thomas Rhodes: Hold yourself accountable and get it done.
Geoffrey X Lane: We will do more for others than we will do for ourselves.
Thomas Rhodes: The ONE thing we can do for ourselves is that we can choose.
Geoffrey X Lane: State your preferences. start with what you like.
Jessica Dewell: When we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else. It about what I value.
Thomas Rhodes: We must hold ourselves accountable to finish the commitment.
Thomas Rhodes: How you act to a decision is your choice.
Geoffrey X Lane: The consequence of making a choice is that [the result] smacks us.
Thomas Rhodes: Blaming is a waste of energy; own it and move forward.
Jessica Dewell: Normalization is when we explain away things that don’t feel good about yet with time we ‘get comfortable.’
Thomas Rhodes: Awareness of what’s around you is important.
Jessica Dewell: When, where, and can we see the excuses we make?
Geoffrey X Lane: People will desert you (if you make the wrong choices) faster than they initially followed you.
- Three questions: what worked? what did not work? what can I do differently?
- What Is Systems Thinking? – Peter Senge Explains http://www.mutualresponsibility.org/science/what-is-systems-thinking-peter-senge-explains-systems-thinking-approach-and-principles
- The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness
Tags: choice, accountability, excuses, limiting beliefs, failure, obligations, consequences, influence, decisions, self awareness, blame, question, challenge, present, observation, clarity, skepticism, normalization, frame of reference, trust