The following is a transcription of Voice of Bold Business Radio Program 34: Lead with Dreams.

Program Notes Can be Found Here.

Transcript of Program 34: Lead with Dreams

Jessica: This is The Voice of Bold Business Radio, and I am your host Jessica Dewell of Red Direction. You’re listening to Program Number 34, Lead with Dreams.

Jessica: When I came up with that title, I actually knew everything that I wanted to do, except for the title. The title was the hardest for me to come up with because we think about dreams, and we think about these things that are unattainable. Or we think about dreams and how they don’t really fit in to leaders and how leaders actually show their leadership. I decided to keep it anyway, because while those are misnomers and commonalities that we’re trying to separate out of being a leader in our life or in our work, and showing leadership quality, they are very much intertwined.

We’re going to discuss a quote today. It’s from somebody whom I admire and I love and I have quotes of hers all over. It’s Eleanor Roosevelt. In addition to being first lady, she served at the U.N., focusing on human rights and women’s issues. She worked on behalf of the League of Women Voters. Like any leader, she had people that disliked her as well as people that loved her. Whether it got to her or not, we don’t know. She is not around today for us to ask her, but what she left in her wake, the impact that she made, made it seem like what she was called to do and the dream that she had and the way that she chose to lead, didn’t matter about any naysayers, or people that might have held her back or created obstacles that were put in her way.

Her impact is still felt today through the words as well as the actions and the impact that came through the work that she did in all areas of her life politically for women and women’s rights.

Today, on our Leader’s Discuss program, we’re exploring one of Eleanor’s quotes.

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

There’s a lot to that short one sentence quote. Right after this, you will meet our panel, and they will answer this question: What does this Eleanor Roosevelt quote mean to you?

Announcer (amid background music): Welcome to The Voice of Bold Business, the show that provides everything smart leaders need to evaluate situations, build relationships, and create solutions. Jessica Dewell candidly talks about the skills necessary to build tenacity, and do more with less. And now, here’s Jessica:

Jessica: Today, on our Voice of Bold Business radio show, our panel is the phenomenal Lori King and Debra Oakland. I’m going to tell you a little bit about each before we say hello to them.

Lori King is all about communication. It’s her passion, which began as an exchange student to Brazil in 1982 where she delved in to learning Portuguese. She digressed in to Biology and clinical research studying communication at the cell level. Then she found her way back to language, where she owned and operated a language translation agency for 10 years. She’s changed gears yet again, yet everything that she does still revolves around communication. It was through the Goldman-Sachs 10,000 Small Business initiative that she was exposed to the world of social media communication. She found her voice on Twitter, and now on Instagram, she focuses on shining the light on small business.

Debra Oakland, her work is to share the story of her own strength. She shows people just like you and me that in the midst of immense tragedy, she was able to choose love. She was able to go within herself to find the courage to move forward and to take that next action one step at a time. She found gratitude, and dedicated herself to helping others to make those brave choices as well. Because you know, we all face times where we need to have bravery.  You have your own path toward fearlessness, and Deb will help you find it.

Lori and Deb, thank you for joining me today on the Voice of Bold Business radio! How’s it going?

Debra: Excellent. Thank you for the invitation, this is awesome.

Lori: I am honored, yes.

Jessica: I’m curious, how much do you know about Eleanor Roosevelt and is she somebody that’s on your radar as an inspiration or somebody that you look to her quotes or things that she has written and done?

Debra: Yes, I have greatly admired her, and my mother as well always has, and has her favorite quotes by her. Her story and her legacy that she created a pathway for women, and what she did was unprecedented at the time. I hold her in high regard.

Lori: When Jessica came to me and asked if I wanted to do this talk, I said “Oh my gosh, I have an angel with her quote on it.” But it wasn’t that quote. I think it says “You must do that thing that you think you cannot do.” Which is so empowering to me because we hold ourselves back personally from attaining our greatness.

Jessica: We’re just going to jump right in. I want to know what this quote “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” means to each of you.

Debra: My question is, if you don’t believe in the beauty of your dreams, who will? Eleanor Roosevelt was a courageous woman who lived a tumultuous life. She realized her future was in her hands. Otherwise, she would have been forced in to living a life that did not suit her. For a woman of her time, she was bold, fearless, and non-apologetic. How often have we allowed our dreams to slip by? Throughout our lives, this occurs. Maybe we put it on a shelf for a while and then we dream later and we bring it down and go, wow I didn’t see you for a while.

I think maturity lends us a hand as we say yes to our dreams. Over the years, these dreams, they live on in our hearts. For an example, as a young girl, I wanted to be a writer. As an avid reader all my life, I also enjoyed writing. I believed smart, educated people could be writers and authors, and since I didn’t feel that was who I was, I didn’t feel that kind of smart, I hid everything I wrote. After high school I fell in to this rhythm of life I felt served me best. At the time it did, but years later as an adult, and many life changes later, I began looking at my other passions. Photography classes and art classes and design and fashion. Although I enjoyed my time while all this was going on, I just wasn’t fulfilled at my deepest soul level of expression.

After losing several immediate family members in a very short period of time, something powerful awakened in me, and I decided it was time to write, and share what I’d learned throughout those years of loss. In the writing, I found the silver lining for me personally. I tell people, I do believe there is a silver lining. Every day, I would say to myself, as I was writing over the 6 years working on my book, “I’m unlimited. I’m a successful author with a powerful voice”. So here I am full circle, back to my passion, which has been showing up rhythmically throughout my life, and I believed in a self-imposed limitation of thought. Had I continued this belief, I would never have written my bestselling book, or committed myself to the work it took to do so. Would I change the life I’ve lived? No. Not a moment, really. Because every experience and challenge, which there were many, led me back to my passion and was instrumental to my growth, assisting me in becoming the person I am today. I can always say grateful girl am I. It’s never too late to reinvent yourself, to live your dream. Writing has connected me to people all over the world, like these two women on the show today. Changing my life in ways I can’t begin to explain. I love what I do. It’s my passion. I don’t compare myself to other writers, because we all have our own unique voice. The gift in each voice is to express authentically, as Eleanor Roosevelt understood. One of the pleasures of reading and writing are the endless choices in voices.

Growing up, I found myself trying to dance my life to the rhythm of other people, and now I dance to the beat of my heart. One of my quotes is “When the universe asks you to dance, say yes.” In conclusion, let’s honor every woman who courageously paved, and is paving the way before us, by dancing to our own rhythm and living the beauty of our dreams.

Jessica: All right Lori, how are you going to answer this question?

Lori: So much of what Debra just said resonates with me. If you break up my life in to Act 1 and Act 2, I would say that in my Act 1 of my life, I was dancing to someone else’s tune. I was always listening to what other people said, “Oh, this would be great for you”, or “Hey, join me in this translation business. Be my partner, I know you can do it.” So I said “Oh yes, I can do that”. Then as I go through the wheels of doing it all, stepping back, death was also a point of impact for me as well. That made me sit back and think, what am I doing in this translation business? This is not my dream. Translation was not my dream. So what do I want to do? So I stepped back, and totally immersed myself with my family, I started meditating, I started studying, started tweeting, and found my voice on Twitter and social media, and found that that is where I thrive. I’m an introvert, and I can totally come out of my shell through social media. I found that communication, as Jessica introduced me, was a common thread throughout my life. That has been fun for me to see, and see it through my eyes and not through someone else’s eyes.

I had a dream to have my translation business in the Los Angeles Times. I wanted that more than anything, and when I focused on that dream, I said ‘Okay, what do I need to do to get this woman to respond to me?’ I filled out a questionnaire, she didn’t respond, so I said okay, maybe I have to gear it around something that’s happening in the world. So I said, “it’s translation, it’s global, maybe you could do it in the month of April because of a holiday that was coming up”. Finally she said, “You keep putting yourself out there in front of me to have me look at you. Let’s talk.” So we started talking and she said, “I was going to have this one business that I was going to feature in this Tuesday’s article, but now that I’ve spoken to you and you’ve got my attention, let’s do translation.”

Not only do you have to have that dream, you need to take those actions to get that dream to life. We could talk for hours, honestly, ladies.

Jessica: When did you first recognize your self-imposed limitations, and what was the action that you took to start making a change there?

Debra: I remember exactly the moment that I ‘woke up’ from feeling that I wasn’t enough, smart enough, hadn’t done enough, that I actually had a voice that people would be interested in listening to, and a book that I could write that people would be interested in reading, and that I could help people. When I was young my brother used to follow me around. He was a few years younger. I did not want him following me around. You know, I’m the older sister. So I would tell him to go away, leave me alone, and he wouldn’t. And we would fight about it, and he started saying “You’re stupid, you’re stupid”, and he kept saying “You’re stupid”, and I took that on. Then when I went to school, I was young, I didn’t know kids were mean at school. I would raise my hand to answer a question, and then I would answer it and kids would laugh. It wasn’t because my answer was wrong, it was because they’re just kids, and they’re laughing at you. But I took that to mean that I was stupid, that I didn’t know the right answer, so I quit participating in class. Almost completely, because I just didn’t want my voice to be heard, in case it was wrong. I went through my life like this. I had a great career, but I wasn’t writing. I wasn’t doing what my heart really wanted to do. My husband and I were at a T. Harv Eker conference, ‘Secrets of the Millionaire Mind’. He had us do an exercise. It took us back to what made us feel inferior, and as Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” That I believe is my mother’s favorite quote. It hit me. I’m not a crier. I burst out crying, from the depths of my being. It hit me so hard that it was my brother and those moments when I was young that created this feeling within me. It wasn’t a blame thing for him. He was a little kid. But it was a wakeup call for me. It was a moment in time that hit me so powerfully. I looked at it, I examine it, and I moved on from it, and I’ve never looked back. And I’ve never let it hold me back anymore. Because I did that to myself. I believed a self-imposing thought, and that’s what it did to me. So I broke the chains, and off I went.

Lori: For me, I would say there is no one instance. I can say that as I have taken some time off from my original business, the translation business, I spent years just doing some deep digging, and realizing that all the things that I strived to do, when I don’t reach out, out of my comfort zone, who’s holding me back? Is it my husband saying something? No. Is it any of my friends who are awesome and encouraging me to do things? Definitely not. It’s myself. It’s been constant work, and when I talk about that, it’s funny as well. I sit there and think ‘Oh, I haven’t done this, and I didn’t do that, and I should have reached out and done this”, but I’m not focusing on the progress that I’ve made. That’s what I really work on, is every day, waking up and asking ‘Am I making progress in my dream?’ Absolutely. Some days it’s glacially slow, and it’s frustrating and you want to pull your hair out. But some days, you make these leaps. If you were leaping every single day, you’d be exhausted and you wouldn’t be able to sustain that. When I got that concept, that the slow growth, the big steps, all of it is progress, that’s when I started being easier on myself, and nicer.

I would say, always focus on the positive. That’s where I come from.

Debra: It’s almost like we gain this sense of awareness at some point, which leads to understanding, and then we’re able to make conscious choices that support our life. That’s part of the human journey.

Jessica: When you hear some, not all, but some motivational speakers, it’s always positive, always positive. Which is an okay thing to say. What I heard each of you bring up; understanding the pain, embracing and accepting the pain as part of the journey for developing us for who we are, to get to this self-awareness, to get to this ‘conscious choice’ place, is a really important piece. How do I know I have limiting beliefs? How do I know that something is holding me back? If somebody were to ask me that question I would say “Where is the pain that hasn’t been acknowledged yet?” Because there is going to be a story in there, and that’s the story that we could say, I’m going to continue to stay small, or I’m going to show up and I am going to fill the shoes that I am here and have been given to make an impact.

Debra: I think it’s extremely important to share your stories because they help other people, and they change lives. But you do not live from that place, and you do not let your story define you. That’s the important difference. You can share it, and others can glean wisdom and strength and courage from what you’ve been through. But you don’t have to live in that place anymore. It’s so important that we share these things with each other. I used to be afraid to be vulnerable. That was the most scary thing to me. I told myself ‘Don’t let anyone know that anything could be possibly wrong or that you’re in pain or suffering’. When I went through all of the loss in my family over those short four years, both my children, both my brothers and my father, and it was very quick, and you’re in shock, but I knew that I had to move forward, and that’s what they would want for me because they loved me and I loved them and they wouldn’t want me to be miserable. So I found my voice, and I found a way to move forward, as I said, in that silver lining. That gave me the courage to move through, and I don’t define myself by that at all. But I think it’s important to share the story, because others know that it’s okay to move on. You don’t need to stay in that place of suffering and pain.

Jessica: I know Lori, you were mentioning progress. You’re focusing on your progress. I know you said you do it every day, but is there something you do on like a monthly or a quarterly or an annual basis for just yourself in terms of stepping back and taking a look and saying, ‘Yeah, I like this. Here’s what I’d like to do next’, or, ‘Yeah, I like this. This change needs to occur to get where I want to go’. How does that look for you guys?

Lori: I agree with Debra in terms of, there is this awakening, this awareness that you have, and as you said Jessica. I would say my first business, this translation business, that was me always hitting these roadblocks. I’m doing the right thing, I’m reaching out, I’m doing everything that I could possibly do to make that business work, and then hitting a roadblock, hitting a roadblock, hitting a roadblock. There’s a book called “Three Feet from Gold”, where you keep thinking ‘I’m only three feet from gold, this is just a hiccup, I need to keep pushing’. But there was a point where I realized that there was a lot going on that I wasn’t listening to, that I wasn’t aware of, that was saying take a deeper look. This isn’t just something, this is deeper. When I took that deeper look and realized, this isn’t resonating with me, I stepped back, made a change, and as you said Jessica, everything I have done since then, with that awareness, has been working more smoothly. That quarterly review… I mean, I do it every day, but I think that’s excessive.

(all laugh)

Jessica: Oh, you do?

Lori: I think I’m an overthinker, so I am always thinking okay, analyze this and analyze that. There is a point of overanalyzing. I think always checking in, that check in, whatever works for you, even if it is every day, or if it’s every week or if it’s once a month, or it’s four times a year, or it’s your one year plan, your 5-year plan, your 10-year plan, you’ve got to check in, and see if you are on the right path. Then you make those tweaks to get back on, or maybe I’m on to something… this path is really a better path.

Jessica: Is that also like the big idea of the book that you referenced “Three feet from Gold”?

Lori: No, “Three feet from Gold” was more about just pushing. You are so close to where you need to be. I think that book helped me realize that it’s me, not everybody else, who is telling me I am three feet from gold. Where do I think I am? Am I three feet from my gold right here? No.

Jessica: I always know what’s coming next, and I never take a look at where I am right now. I never actually see how amazing the work, the impact, the thought, the action that I took made a difference right here today. And I forget about it after it’s done and the ripples are still going out. That’s why I wanted to dig in a little bit. Because I do think that we’re not very good as a society at recognizing our impact right now, and honoring that within ourselves. We’re always told ‘You’ve conquered that, now move on’, and we are actually conquering something else before you’ve finished what you’re working on. Because you know it’s going to get done and you know it’s going to be fine. But the next thing is going to be bigger, or the next thing is going to be better. Where does the feeling come in of the accomplishment? When we’re not acknowledging our own accomplishments, it’s not the end of our goal, but we see that impact, we can acknowledge ‘this was the right thing, my heart felt good, my brain felt good, I made somebody else feel good, or made their lives a little easier’. When we don’t do that, we’re missing out on a true person to person connection.

Debra: When you can connect to your heart and stay out of your head, there’ll be road blocks when you over think things, but when you can connect to your heart, it will lead you. You are able to stay in the present moment much more easily. My quote I always say “Now is your naturally occurring wonder”.

Jessica: Deb you are just phenomenal. Your most current book is phenomenal and amazing. Tell us in your own words what the big idea is so people who are listening can see. Because the quotes that you have been sharing of your own are really impactful and they carry a lot of weight and they’re super thoughtful, and I think people really need to go find them.

Debra: My quotes are all on my website; In my book “Change Your Movie, Change Your life”, there are ‘7 Reel concepts for courageous change’. The book isn’t about all of the loss that I went through, although a little bit is in the introduction explaining why I wrote the book. It’s about the seven concepts that I live by daily. Those concepts that really help me through the day to day life that I live, and how I consciously choose to navigate every moment of my life. The book became a best seller in happiness and personal transformation. That was my goal, to get published. I worked my butt off. I never worked that hard in my life. I did everything myself, so that I could own everything and I could keep things. When I go out and when I speak and when I travel and begin doing more public speaking, I own it. It’s not easy.

Henry Miller said, “One’s destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things”.  I always like to think of perspective. What is your perspective on life? I like to think that possibility turns in to probability. We have the choice to do these wonderful things, and like you said, we forget to celebrate ourselves and it is so important celebrate our accomplishments. It’s okay to pat yourself on the back. We need to do that for ourselves, because we did it. We made a great thing happen. We helped change people’s lives. We changed our lives. In the changing of our own lives, we help others. It’s like a bridge. We are the bridge. That’s what we’re here to do, to be that bridge. I just saw a quote recently that I absolutely adore. It’s not so much of a quote, but it is “The Notes from the Universe”, and he says “Everything you need to know…you know. Everything you need to have…you have. Everything. Time and space is a primitive school. There are bigger challenges out there. Bigger adventures, and lots more friends, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do here and now. You’ve got to live the (?)  you’ve discovered, apply the principles, and never again think why isn’t it working? It’s hard. I don’t know. Because such thoughts are like hitting the replay button for whatever you’ve just been through. Look ahead with your dreams in mind and give thanks, because you know exactly what to do.” I was like, wow, that is so true. We have everything we already need. A lot of times we’re looking outside ourselves for everything, and it’s already here. It’s inside of us.

Jessica: What are one or two tips that you guys would give for people who would find themselves in a problem, and they don’t know what to do. They just want to reach down deep within themselves, regardless of what their head is saying, regardless of what their emotions are doing, and take an action. What would be a tip that you would give them?

Lori: Well, I would say, first of all, “I’ve been there”. Usually the person looks like a deer in headlights, freaking out. What happens is, all those emotions just freezes your brain from being able to think. First of all, you have no control over what just happened. Let it go. And as Debra said, you need to stay in the present moment. That’s where the power is. In the present moment. What can I do with the tools that I have right now? For me, I focus so much on ‘Oh my gosh if I just had what you just told me I don’t have I could have done this and this’. I’m focusing too much on what I don’t have, and not what I have to move forward. When you embrace that, those items come to your mind and you go, “Ohhhh”. Break it down in to smaller segments. What can I do right now? I can do this. What’s the second thing I can do? I can do that. What’s the third thing I can do? As you do that, the ball starts rolling.

Debra: I’ve never worked in big corporations or done any of the things that you’ve done, but I can understand with cooking. Because I can cook. I’m a mean chef. When I’m missing an ingredient that I need and I’m on a timeline, I have to stop and I have to think. You also have to realize, if things are really hard, you’re going in the wrong direction. If I’m missing an ingredient, something that I need desperately for something, I’m going to stop, and I’m going to really close in and get in to the moment. I’m going to think, what can I do to substitute that? What can I put in this dish that is going to make it sing, that I wasn’t expecting to have to use? It’s happened to me many times, and I come up with another solution, because there’s always another way around things. It’s just that you weren’t thinking of it. When you start to panic, like you said Lori, you can’t think. You just get brain fog. You have to move back in to the present moment. When you do that, everything clears. It’s like the fog goes away, and you breath, and you can go, ‘Oh, I didn’t think about this. There’s my solution right there’.

Jessica: If I were to mush the two things that you guys said together…If I were to just stop, and I were to take a breath, something could be there that I would be able to observe, and choose.

Lori: The other thing is… ask for help. You’re in the boardroom, or pick whatever it is. Ask for help. Say, ‘hey, you all know I just lost XYZ. Let’s collaborate.’ For cooking, I’ve gone over and instead of borrowing a cup of sugar, I had to borrow a cup of flour because I didn’t have regular flour. I can’t substitute flour, or, I couldn’t think of something that I could use to substitute for flour. My neighbor was happy. People love to help. I think when you have that mindset, people love to help, so get over the asking, and just ask.

Debra: And we’re human. You can say ‘okay people, I’m human. We’ve all been in these situations before, so please be patient. This is what’s happening. How can you help?’ Like you said Lori, people love to help.

Lori: I did a class with Renee Brown this year called ‘Living Brave’. She rocks!

Debra: She does.

Lori: I love her! She just has a way about her that just owns vulnerability, how to just lay it out, and get over it and move through it. I love how she shares her stories about her vulnerability. I tend to look at people like her and think, ‘oh, you’re never vulnerable. You never have these little problems that I have in my house or in my community’. No, we all have this, we all need to get past it.

Jessica:  Right, and we can help others do the same. I learned this in a parenting class… is to notice. To notice different things. “I noticed you… and say whatever you noticed. It could be the color of their shirt, it could be something that they did for somebody, it could be something that you might not have approved of and you wanted to bring attention to… and then you end with “I noticed that”. There’s no judgment. There is nothing else except letting them know that they were seen in that particular moment.

Another thing that I learned in a parenting class is to always ask. If I see somebody in a panic or frustrated or overwhelmed or something, the first thing I do is ask. “Is there anything that you would like to talk about right now?” Then if I have an idea, I don’t just give them my idea, because that can come across a lot of different ways. I will ask, “Would you like an idea? Would you like a suggestion?” They may or may not. But I am getting the permission of where that person is at, and I’m helping them shift a little bit and go, ‘where am I?’, and they can get grounded. Whether I can help them or not, I just want to be present, and in that moment with them. Because it’s really powerful when we ourselves get to the end goal. When we get to the finish line, when we work through it, and if somebody else is helping us, we could inadvertently be helping them with their self-limiting beliefs, instead of helping them be empowered.

The last point that I’d like to focus and come back to is, breaking the cycle. Here’s an example. I was a Crest kid. This is what we did, this is how long we brushed… So here I am as an adult, before I had kids, and of course the information has always been there, but we found out about fluoride and the effects of fluoride on your body combined with the fluoride in the water, and how much extra fluoride we get, and I freaked out. I closed down. I had no concept of being able to change my tradition of using Crest toothpaste for the benefit of my health. Because fluoride is also in my water, and I can’t get rid of that. Thinking about that, and going through these processes of “Wow. I’m going to be really close to this, because knew what was best, and they’re not going to do anything that’s going to hurt me. So I know I’ve gotta be doing it right. Why would I do anything to hurt myself?” You can apply this to any situation, but I love choosing toothpaste, because it brings it home, and it’s silly almost. But we do this in our whole life. Accepting this new information and being able to break a cycle. With my son, we still brush our teeth, we still have a timer, but we use different toothpaste. I broke that cycle. It was really hard. I didn’t have any idea how important Crest was to my personal identity. Breaking the cycle. Then having to tell my Mom… “No Mom, we don’t use Crest in our house.” She loves Crest. A lot of people still use it, and that’s great. We don’t use it in our house. The judgement that comes with that! Holy cow! You have no idea the judgment that comes with changing toothpaste across generations. I mean it could be anything from the holidays you celebrate to the things we read to how we vote. When you are breaking that cycle, it can be a scary place when we’re all alone. When we know we’re on the path, when we know we are moving forward easily. I would be very curious from you guys, if you have a story to share, that’s awesome, and if you don’t, that’s also awesome, think back to a day when you did break a cycle. A time where that change was so necessary that stepping out of everything that we knew to be true for us an up to that moment, was no longer true. How did you embrace that? How did you give yourself the space once it was recognized to say, ‘Well, I can try this out, we’ll see’.

Debra: I think that if more people broke the cycle in their lives, they would live happier healthier lives. I’m a cycle breaker. My husband and I, we break all the rules. Because we’re in to the health, we’re in to what’s going on. We know a lot of things and we’ve made ourselves aware of a lot of things. Physical, mental and spiritually, that a lot of people don’t look at. They just continue with their cycles. I look at most of my family out there, and they’re continuing to eat the same food that their grandma did, and their mom did, and they’re eating it, and they’re sick and their stomachs are bloated, and their unhealthy. But they don’t want to break the cycle because Grandma and Mom did that. I see what it has done to their lives. My mother actually listens to us, and she’s broken her cycle. She is 83, and she was not doing well, and now she’s kickin butt. She changed her whole world around. Just by changing what she was eating, and eating organic and healthy. But by breaking the cycles with all of the things that really aren’t true, we’ve built them up to be so true in our head, but they’re not. They’re just a perception. I break about every cycle that can be broken. Especially with the holidays. My mother moved back recently, and we weren’t celebrating like most people do for the holidays. We don’t want to make a big deal out of it. It’s just not our deal. We don’t have little kids, we don’t want to spend a lot of money on presents for people that they don’t need and probably don’t want. We just have our own way of dealing with everything. Now that my Mom is back, Christmas is important to her. I said, “Okay. Last year I cooked. This year we’re going out”. I broke the cycle, and I’ kind of breaking her cycle in a way. Because, how important is it as an adult to celebrate Christmas? It goes back to our inner child, I believe. I think it’s more important for us, my husband and I, to be around friends and family and share a good meal, a glass of wine, and just enjoy the holidays without all the hoopla. That’s just one thing that we have kind of broken the cycle on, is the holidays.

Lori: That is fabulous. Both of your stories are such great illustrations. First of all, the one about toothpaste, that is such a simple concept, and how hard that is. When you sit there and think I am going to change something major like how a family traditionally celebrates a holiday, that’s major! You have so many dynamics in there. People aren’t going to accept you, there is judgment, like you said. One of my biggest mantras is ‘Embrace change’. I have a sister who hates that because that’s her really really difficult item. She calls me about something and says ‘Oh, don’t talk about embracing change’.

I go back to meditating, for me. When I meditate on what’s right for me, what’s right for me and my family, on both of those concepts that you just discussed, how does my heart feel about this, how does my will feel about this, how does my head feel about this? If I get a yes, yes, yes and it’s breaking the tradition of a holiday, I’m doing it. If it’s toothpaste, and it’s yes, yes, yes, I’m doing it. Because that’s what’s right for me. I think we need to, as a society, stop worrying about what everybody else thinks. This is right for my family, I hope you can respect that.

Jessica: All three of these answers right here come down to the fact that it starts with us as individuals. If we are not able to be bold in our own life, we are not able to be bold at work. We can go put ourselves out there, but we are taking all those limiting beliefs, we are taking all that unknown, we are taking all those things that we won’t look at about ourselves that we could, if we did, we would then have the strength and the platform and the foundation to make whatever change, and to be ready and thoughtful about the feedback we’re going to get, good or bad, when we’re making suggestions to a client, to a publisher, to our friends and our family, to our bosses, whoever that boss may be.

This is The Voice of Bold Business Radio, Program 34 – Lead with Dreams.

At the end of every program, I ask our audience to continue this conversation, because you leaders have the choice, and we want to know, how do you lead with your dreams?

Announcer – Subscribe at and get more information, program notes, and past episodes. Bold leaders approach each situation and focus on action to achieve a higher level of leadership. Jessica Dewell, your business advocate is the host of The Voice of Bold Business Radio. Thank you for joining us.